What this is all about

When one has different ideas from the mainstream ones of society, they have to expect negativity.

When I started writing publicly...11 long years ago...I wasn't prepared for the negativity. It doesn't matter what you do, when you do it or how well you do. People are going to find something to bitch about. In my case, it was being 18...a very naive 18...and having a baby. More or less on purpose, at that.

I had rose colored glasses the size of Texas. So the negativity that inevitably came was surprising. And hurtful. I actually credit the internet to making me realize that some people are just unreachable and aren't going to like you no matter what you do. It doesn't hurt anymore. It's annoying at times, especially when people miss the entire point of what you put in front of them...but so be it.

I don't write this stuff thinking that I'm going to change every single persons' mind who reads it. I'm not saying you are the most horrible, terrible parent in the world because you don't do the things I do.

I write for the people who are open to learning. Who are accepting and logical and can say "Hey, maybe that wasn't the best idea...I should probably learn more about this." Without immediately going into attack mode "OMG, YOU'RE CALLING ME A BAD MOTHER! OMG! YOU BITCH!".

Yeah, no. I'm not. Really. There is a difference between not understanding someone's choices and calling them a bad parent.

The tricky part here, is that it SEEMS as if I am attacking certain parenting choices because there are words used like "safer" and "better". But I really can't apologize if there is evidence, research and RESULTS saying that such-and-such is, in fact, better/safer. And what I want to say back to these people is this:

"So, you're saying that because YOU did it and nothing bad happened...EVERYONE should continue to do so?"

I would also like to point out that this is really, really illogical and is actually kind of dumb. Sorry. It's the truth.

Example:

"Smoking is bad for your health."
"Well, my grandpa smoked for 60 years and never got cancer."

So, the point is because your grandpa smoked and never got cancer...this proves that smoking is safe and nobody's going to get cancer?

I'm sure when all the new evidence was coming out about how harmful smoking was way back when, people reacted the same as they do to me and my posts..."But doctors said it was okay!" "I smoked through all my pregnancies and my kids are fine!"

Now, what do most people do when we see a pregnant woman smoking? "Ick, she should know better."

But once upon a time, everybody did it. So everybody accepted it. Herd logic. 


Can you at least see where I'm trying to go with this?

Just because it hasn't happened to YOU...or someone close to you...doesn't mean it can't happen. This is the beauty of google, people....we have no excuse to live in a bubble anymore.

Example with parenting subject:

"You know, it's been shown that CIO has negative effects on a young baby."
"Eh, my older kid is fine."

OR

"So, did you know that putting the carseat on top of a shopping cart is unsafe? Babies have died!"
"I did it with my baby and she survived, so...."

Again, this is the mindset of, well...nothing happened to THAT child, so nothing will happened to the next one either. Or anybody else's, for that matter.

But, if I may ask a morbid question, what if you had your first child and started sleep training at 4,5 even 6 months...and said baby died. It has been documented, after all, that excessive crying can actually make their little bodies shut down. Would you, honestly, let any subsequent children CIO?

Why wait until it happens to you?

We could ask the same thing of so many subjects...car seats, circumcision, etc.

A big part of the reason why I write and post the stuff I do is because I know there are parents and future parents out there that just don't know. They accept the "old ways" as the "only ways" and they don't question it. But there is a percentage of them who are open to new ideas. Willing to educate themselves about these things.

I will be honest and say I do have a problem with people who look at the facts and the research and the evidence and still say "Well, my kid turned out okay, so all this is bullshit." What we all need to realize is that parenting is a lifelong learning experience. Things change and new evidence comes out all the time. The tricky part is keeping up with it. But we have to try, right? I mean, parenting is all about doing what's best for your kids...and if something comes out that has research based evidence saying "Hey, we got this wrong...this is a better way to go about things!", one would think most parents would stop and listen.

I'm not writing for the ones who are white knuckle-gripping onto their "BUT I DID IT AND THEY'RE FINE!" ideals. That's fine. I'm glad that you are so secure in your parenting that you don't feel the need to research and learn. I'm not one of those people.

I'm writing for the ones who are open to it. Who are looking around for answers that they might not have gotten from their pediatrician, mother-in-law, cousin, etc. Because I was one. I thought there was some unwritten list of rules about parenting and everybody did them and that was that. I am SO GLAD someone said "Hey, there are different ways of doing things." I'm grateful for the women who took a chance and said "Um...you know that's not the safest thing, right?"

I could have gotten angry. I could have cut them off and ended a friendship. But instead I said "Really? Can you tell me more?"

And if what I put out there helps even one person, it's worth it. All the complaining and the comments and the passive aggressive bitching....it's worth it.

And this is where my inner-asshole says "Come at me, bro."

Mostly because that phrase makes me giggle.

Carry on.