"Myth: Circumcision is an important tradition that has been going on forever."
"Reality check:
In the United States, circumcision wasn't popularized until Victorian
times, when a few doctors began to recommend it to prevent children from
masturbating. Dr. Kellogg (of Corn Flakes fame) advocated circumcision
for pubescent boys and girls to stop masturbation:
"A remedy which is almost always successful in small boys is
circumcision, especially when there is any degree of phimosis. The
operation should be performed by a surgeon without administering an
anæsthetic, as the brief pain attending the operation will have a
salutary effect upon the mind, especially if it be connected with the
idea of punishment...
In females, the author has found the application of pure carbolic acid
to the clitoris an excellent means of allaying the abnormal
excitement" (Kellogg 1877). Circumcision caught on among the
sex-negative Victorians, but only wealthy parents could afford it. In
1932, only 31% of men were circumcised; this peaked around 85% in 1980,
and has been dropping ever since (Laumann 1997, Wallerstein 1980). Far
from an ancient tradition, it was only popular in post-war America;
think of it as "your parent's body mod.""
To read the whole article...and I would HIGHLY recommend it...Click Here.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Friday, November 9, 2012
What this is all about
When one has different ideas from the mainstream ones of society, they have to expect negativity.
When I started writing publicly...11 long years ago...I wasn't prepared for the negativity. It doesn't matter what you do, when you do it or how well you do. People are going to find something to bitch about. In my case, it was being 18...a very naive 18...and having a baby. More or less on purpose, at that.
I had rose colored glasses the size of Texas. So the negativity that inevitably came was surprising. And hurtful. I actually credit the internet to making me realize that some people are just unreachable and aren't going to like you no matter what you do. It doesn't hurt anymore. It's annoying at times, especially when people miss the entire point of what you put in front of them...but so be it.
I don't write this stuff thinking that I'm going to change every single persons' mind who reads it. I'm not saying you are the most horrible, terrible parent in the world because you don't do the things I do.
I write for the people who are open to learning. Who are accepting and logical and can say "Hey, maybe that wasn't the best idea...I should probably learn more about this." Without immediately going into attack mode "OMG, YOU'RE CALLING ME A BAD MOTHER! OMG! YOU BITCH!".
Yeah, no. I'm not. Really. There is a difference between not understanding someone's choices and calling them a bad parent.
The tricky part here, is that it SEEMS as if I am attacking certain parenting choices because there are words used like "safer" and "better". But I really can't apologize if there is evidence, research and RESULTS saying that such-and-such is, in fact, better/safer. And what I want to say back to these people is this:
"So, you're saying that because YOU did it and nothing bad happened...EVERYONE should continue to do so?"
I would also like to point out that this is really, really illogical and is actually kind of dumb. Sorry. It's the truth.
Example:
"Smoking is bad for your health."
"Well, my grandpa smoked for 60 years and never got cancer."
So, the point is because your grandpa smoked and never got cancer...this proves that smoking is safe and nobody's going to get cancer?
I'm sure when all the new evidence was coming out about how harmful smoking was way back when, people reacted the same as they do to me and my posts..."But doctors said it was okay!" "I smoked through all my pregnancies and my kids are fine!"
Now, what do most people do when we see a pregnant woman smoking? "Ick, she should know better."
But once upon a time, everybody did it. So everybody accepted it. Herd logic.
Can you at least see where I'm trying to go with this?
Just because it hasn't happened to YOU...or someone close to you...doesn't mean it can't happen. This is the beauty of google, people....we have no excuse to live in a bubble anymore.
Example with parenting subject:
"You know, it's been shown that CIO has negative effects on a young baby."
"Eh, my older kid is fine."
OR
"So, did you know that putting the carseat on top of a shopping cart is unsafe? Babies have died!"
"I did it with my baby and she survived, so...."
Again, this is the mindset of, well...nothing happened to THAT child, so nothing will happened to the next one either. Or anybody else's, for that matter.
But, if I may ask a morbid question, what if you had your first child and started sleep training at 4,5 even 6 months...and said baby died. It has been documented, after all, that excessive crying can actually make their little bodies shut down. Would you, honestly, let any subsequent children CIO?
Why wait until it happens to you?
We could ask the same thing of so many subjects...car seats, circumcision, etc.
A big part of the reason why I write and post the stuff I do is because I know there are parents and future parents out there that just don't know. They accept the "old ways" as the "only ways" and they don't question it. But there is a percentage of them who are open to new ideas. Willing to educate themselves about these things.
I will be honest and say I do have a problem with people who look at the facts and the research and the evidence and still say "Well, my kid turned out okay, so all this is bullshit." What we all need to realize is that parenting is a lifelong learning experience. Things change and new evidence comes out all the time. The tricky part is keeping up with it. But we have to try, right? I mean, parenting is all about doing what's best for your kids...and if something comes out that has research based evidence saying "Hey, we got this wrong...this is a better way to go about things!", one would think most parents would stop and listen.
I'm not writing for the ones who are white knuckle-gripping onto their "BUT I DID IT AND THEY'RE FINE!" ideals. That's fine. I'm glad that you are so secure in your parenting that you don't feel the need to research and learn. I'm not one of those people.
I'm writing for the ones who are open to it. Who are looking around for answers that they might not have gotten from their pediatrician, mother-in-law, cousin, etc. Because I was one. I thought there was some unwritten list of rules about parenting and everybody did them and that was that. I am SO GLAD someone said "Hey, there are different ways of doing things." I'm grateful for the women who took a chance and said "Um...you know that's not the safest thing, right?"
I could have gotten angry. I could have cut them off and ended a friendship. But instead I said "Really? Can you tell me more?"
And if what I put out there helps even one person, it's worth it. All the complaining and the comments and the passive aggressive bitching....it's worth it.
And this is where my inner-asshole says "Come at me, bro."
Mostly because that phrase makes me giggle.
Carry on.
When I started writing publicly...11 long years ago...I wasn't prepared for the negativity. It doesn't matter what you do, when you do it or how well you do. People are going to find something to bitch about. In my case, it was being 18...a very naive 18...and having a baby. More or less on purpose, at that.
I had rose colored glasses the size of Texas. So the negativity that inevitably came was surprising. And hurtful. I actually credit the internet to making me realize that some people are just unreachable and aren't going to like you no matter what you do. It doesn't hurt anymore. It's annoying at times, especially when people miss the entire point of what you put in front of them...but so be it.
I don't write this stuff thinking that I'm going to change every single persons' mind who reads it. I'm not saying you are the most horrible, terrible parent in the world because you don't do the things I do.
I write for the people who are open to learning. Who are accepting and logical and can say "Hey, maybe that wasn't the best idea...I should probably learn more about this." Without immediately going into attack mode "OMG, YOU'RE CALLING ME A BAD MOTHER! OMG! YOU BITCH!".
Yeah, no. I'm not. Really. There is a difference between not understanding someone's choices and calling them a bad parent.
The tricky part here, is that it SEEMS as if I am attacking certain parenting choices because there are words used like "safer" and "better". But I really can't apologize if there is evidence, research and RESULTS saying that such-and-such is, in fact, better/safer. And what I want to say back to these people is this:
"So, you're saying that because YOU did it and nothing bad happened...EVERYONE should continue to do so?"
I would also like to point out that this is really, really illogical and is actually kind of dumb. Sorry. It's the truth.
Example:
"Smoking is bad for your health."
"Well, my grandpa smoked for 60 years and never got cancer."
So, the point is because your grandpa smoked and never got cancer...this proves that smoking is safe and nobody's going to get cancer?
I'm sure when all the new evidence was coming out about how harmful smoking was way back when, people reacted the same as they do to me and my posts..."But doctors said it was okay!" "I smoked through all my pregnancies and my kids are fine!"
Now, what do most people do when we see a pregnant woman smoking? "Ick, she should know better."
But once upon a time, everybody did it. So everybody accepted it. Herd logic.
Can you at least see where I'm trying to go with this?
Just because it hasn't happened to YOU...or someone close to you...doesn't mean it can't happen. This is the beauty of google, people....we have no excuse to live in a bubble anymore.
Example with parenting subject:
"You know, it's been shown that CIO has negative effects on a young baby."
"Eh, my older kid is fine."
OR
"So, did you know that putting the carseat on top of a shopping cart is unsafe? Babies have died!"
"I did it with my baby and she survived, so...."
Again, this is the mindset of, well...nothing happened to THAT child, so nothing will happened to the next one either. Or anybody else's, for that matter.
But, if I may ask a morbid question, what if you had your first child and started sleep training at 4,5 even 6 months...and said baby died. It has been documented, after all, that excessive crying can actually make their little bodies shut down. Would you, honestly, let any subsequent children CIO?
Why wait until it happens to you?
We could ask the same thing of so many subjects...car seats, circumcision, etc.
A big part of the reason why I write and post the stuff I do is because I know there are parents and future parents out there that just don't know. They accept the "old ways" as the "only ways" and they don't question it. But there is a percentage of them who are open to new ideas. Willing to educate themselves about these things.
I will be honest and say I do have a problem with people who look at the facts and the research and the evidence and still say "Well, my kid turned out okay, so all this is bullshit." What we all need to realize is that parenting is a lifelong learning experience. Things change and new evidence comes out all the time. The tricky part is keeping up with it. But we have to try, right? I mean, parenting is all about doing what's best for your kids...and if something comes out that has research based evidence saying "Hey, we got this wrong...this is a better way to go about things!", one would think most parents would stop and listen.
I'm not writing for the ones who are white knuckle-gripping onto their "BUT I DID IT AND THEY'RE FINE!" ideals. That's fine. I'm glad that you are so secure in your parenting that you don't feel the need to research and learn. I'm not one of those people.
I'm writing for the ones who are open to it. Who are looking around for answers that they might not have gotten from their pediatrician, mother-in-law, cousin, etc. Because I was one. I thought there was some unwritten list of rules about parenting and everybody did them and that was that. I am SO GLAD someone said "Hey, there are different ways of doing things." I'm grateful for the women who took a chance and said "Um...you know that's not the safest thing, right?"
I could have gotten angry. I could have cut them off and ended a friendship. But instead I said "Really? Can you tell me more?"
And if what I put out there helps even one person, it's worth it. All the complaining and the comments and the passive aggressive bitching....it's worth it.
And this is where my inner-asshole says "Come at me, bro."
Mostly because that phrase makes me giggle.
Carry on.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
FANTASTIC article - "The Second Nine Months: Exterogestation and the need to be held"
Click to Read
HIGHLY recommended and PLEASE share. Very in depth and research based. Love!!
An excerpt:
"Gestation Outside of the Womb- “Exterior Gestation”
Simple observation of a newborn clarifies her helpless nature. She needs warmth and nourishment. She cannot move herself away from danger and cannot use words to communicate her needs. She is challenged to use her nervous system to figure out space and her relationship to it, to breathe by herself, to circulate oxygen and nutrients to her entire body; to eat, digest, and eliminate. It is clear that the newborn goes through a transformation that does not occur instantly but gradually lasting most of the first year of her life. During this time the infant must be carried everywhere. She has a long way to go before she can even somewhat manage for herself.
In his book Touching, The Human Significance of the Skin, Dr Ashley Montagu talks of the importance of the mother-baby relationship after the baby has already been born. He describes the relationship between the two as “naturally designed to become even more intensive and interoperative after birth” than while the baby was gestating or growing in the womb (Montagu, 1988, 75).
“Birth no more constitutes the beginning of the life of the individual than it does the end of gestation. Birth represents a complex and highly important series of functional changes which serve to prepare the newborn for the passage across the bridge between gestation within the womb and gestation continued out of the womb.” (Montagu, 1986, 57)
Human babies are born early out of necessity. Nurturing the baby in a manner that represents the intimacy of pregnancy as closely as possible until this “exterior gestation” is complete offers the baby the optimal environment for his immature systems. This means the baby should be in constant proximity to her mother, either in her mother’s arms or worn on her mother’s body with a piece of cloth or other baby carrier."
HIGHLY recommended and PLEASE share. Very in depth and research based. Love!!
An excerpt:
"Gestation Outside of the Womb- “Exterior Gestation”
Simple observation of a newborn clarifies her helpless nature. She needs warmth and nourishment. She cannot move herself away from danger and cannot use words to communicate her needs. She is challenged to use her nervous system to figure out space and her relationship to it, to breathe by herself, to circulate oxygen and nutrients to her entire body; to eat, digest, and eliminate. It is clear that the newborn goes through a transformation that does not occur instantly but gradually lasting most of the first year of her life. During this time the infant must be carried everywhere. She has a long way to go before she can even somewhat manage for herself.
In his book Touching, The Human Significance of the Skin, Dr Ashley Montagu talks of the importance of the mother-baby relationship after the baby has already been born. He describes the relationship between the two as “naturally designed to become even more intensive and interoperative after birth” than while the baby was gestating or growing in the womb (Montagu, 1988, 75).
“Birth no more constitutes the beginning of the life of the individual than it does the end of gestation. Birth represents a complex and highly important series of functional changes which serve to prepare the newborn for the passage across the bridge between gestation within the womb and gestation continued out of the womb.” (Montagu, 1986, 57)
Human babies are born early out of necessity. Nurturing the baby in a manner that represents the intimacy of pregnancy as closely as possible until this “exterior gestation” is complete offers the baby the optimal environment for his immature systems. This means the baby should be in constant proximity to her mother, either in her mother’s arms or worn on her mother’s body with a piece of cloth or other baby carrier."
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Musings of the controversial kind
We've all said it. Even if it's only in our heads.
Nobody likes to admit that they may have done something less than healthy/safe/good for their child. There are many things that I've done that are now very questionable to me...and my kids are fine. Well, at least I think they're fine.
Christopher cried it out. Christopher AND Jacob were formula fed. Emma was in a booster seat by age 3. Jacob was circumcised. For the first 3 years of the boys' lives, they were almost never safely secured into their carseats. Christopher, Jacob AND Emma were turned forward facing by a year or shortly before. All 3 were also placed on top of carts in their bucket seats. A lot.
And yes, they are fine. Because somehow, I got lucky. The only thing I did not get lucky on was Jacob's reaction to the MMR vaccine. Thankfully, that has (thus far) had no residual effects.
You can say it till your head falls off..."I did it, and he/she's fine."
Until they're not.
Until you're that one person who's baby fell off the top of the cart. The one person who's kid went flying from the car during an accident because they should have been in a 5 point harness. That rare instance that the baby had an undiagnosed heart condition and crying it out caused cardiac arrest (I actually know someone who this happened to. It's horrible.) The one who's baby slipped away quietly during the night and nobody noticed till morning. The one who's baby has a life threatening reaction to a round of vaccines.
Most of us have gotten through parenthood so far with minimal issue. Some stitches here...some scrapes here. Maybe a concussion. But then there are those parents who something unthinkable happened to. And now they're left wondering "What if I had done something different?"
I do not think of myself as a perfect parent. I do not think I'm elitist. But I can honestly say that I do not understand why some parents continue to choose things that have been repeatedly proven to be unsafe or less than beneficial for their child. I do not get it. With as much access as we have to scientific research...and books...and other educational materials...why? I wish someone could explain this to me without getting defensive, but I know that's probably not going to happen.
*I* cosleep because I'm paranoid that my baby will stop breathing in the middle of the night. It's been shown that safely bedsharing actually decreases the chances of SIDs because you're breathing, heart beat and slight movements "remind" the baby to breathe.
*I* breastfeed because the list of benefits is miles long and it doesn't make any sense to me to choose anything else because it's easier/more convenient when I have a body that makes exactly what my baby needs. And I've done FF and BF...FF seems much more inconvenient to me, actually. Oh, and I am not one of those people that breastfeeding comes naturally to. I have to muscle through it with lots of tears and such to get through to the "good place". I try not to judge, but it's very...very...hard when I see women whose babies latch perfectly just...stop. Because "it's too hard" and time consuming. Sorry, it really irks me. I'm being honest here when I say that I don't need 4 dozen stories on how you HAD to give up. I gave that excuse too, for my first 2, but I know...in my heart...if I had put in the time and tried harder...I would have succeeded. And I can admit that now. Because it's not fair to the expecting first time moms and the moms who failed with their first for me to sugar coat the situation. There was no reason I couldn't breastfeed. I gave up. I gave up because of lack of education and lack of motivation. Are my boys fine? Yep. But I'll always wonder...especially if one of them ever struggles with things that breastfeeding is proven to prevent/lessen/help...I'll wonder if that would be happening if I had pushed through and nursed them.
*I* don't CIO (any form...graduated to extinction method) because I found out I don't have to. There's no rule that your baby has to sleep through the night by a certain age. It's unreasonable to expect it...as there is much, much research on NORMAL sleep patterns. Every baby is different...but the human newborn/young infant is NOT wired to sleep through the night. Night waking is NORMAL and it is HEALTHY. A newborn/young infant is not capable of manipulation. When a baby cries, that is a cue. And yes, sometimes they cry for seemingly no reason. No reason to YOU anyway. Let's think about this from a physiological perspective...that whole 4th trimester perspective. It has been said that human babies actually should gestate more than 9 months, but can't because a human mother would not be able to give birth to a child that large. So they are born at about 40 weeks. Give or take a few. But those first 3 months out of utero are HARD on them. Their bodies are adapting to breathing...to eating...to moving...to urinating and defecating...And they're constantly growing. None of that sounds very comfortable to me. The only way a baby has to express themselves is crying. So yes, babies cry. But does that mean we should just let them lay there and do it on their own? Don't YOU prefer to be held by someone while you cry? Don't you want someone to comfort you? I don't get the reasoning behind making a baby "deal with it"...because somehow that's going to toughen them up? No. They stop crying because they give up. The baby gives up on the person that is supposed to hold, nourish and comfort them. And that breaks my heart every time I hear about it. Yeah, I know...there are different levels. And I can see it MAYBE for an older child. Like over 1 years old. MAYBE. I still wouldn't do it...but I think it's better than doing it to a baby who's only 3 or 4 months old. Even 8-9 months old. I don't get why people do it. Nothing you can say will convince me either, I've heard it all. I let Christopher CIO because I thought I had to. Like it was some rule of parenthood that I HAD to follow. Even though I felt like absolute crap doing it...I still did. And that...is why I write stuff like this. Just in case someone comes across it that thinks they HAVE to do the things that everyone else around them is doing.
Basically what I'm trying to get across here is...the phrase "But my kid(s) is/are fine" means nothing. You got lucky. You'll continue to be lucky...until you're not
I'll stop rambling now...Hopefully I gave you all something to think about. I know I probably alienated a lot of people...I don't MEAN to, really, but at least they're (you?) are thinking about these issues now.
Down with following along blindly! My wish is for every parent and guardian to LEARN about what they've chosen to do. WHY they're doing it. What risks are involved.
You get the point.
Knowledge is power, people. Knowledge is power.
Nobody likes to admit that they may have done something less than healthy/safe/good for their child. There are many things that I've done that are now very questionable to me...and my kids are fine. Well, at least I think they're fine.
Christopher cried it out. Christopher AND Jacob were formula fed. Emma was in a booster seat by age 3. Jacob was circumcised. For the first 3 years of the boys' lives, they were almost never safely secured into their carseats. Christopher, Jacob AND Emma were turned forward facing by a year or shortly before. All 3 were also placed on top of carts in their bucket seats. A lot.
And yes, they are fine. Because somehow, I got lucky. The only thing I did not get lucky on was Jacob's reaction to the MMR vaccine. Thankfully, that has (thus far) had no residual effects.
You can say it till your head falls off..."I did it, and he/she's fine."
Until they're not.
Until you're that one person who's baby fell off the top of the cart. The one person who's kid went flying from the car during an accident because they should have been in a 5 point harness. That rare instance that the baby had an undiagnosed heart condition and crying it out caused cardiac arrest (I actually know someone who this happened to. It's horrible.) The one who's baby slipped away quietly during the night and nobody noticed till morning. The one who's baby has a life threatening reaction to a round of vaccines.
Most of us have gotten through parenthood so far with minimal issue. Some stitches here...some scrapes here. Maybe a concussion. But then there are those parents who something unthinkable happened to. And now they're left wondering "What if I had done something different?"
I do not think of myself as a perfect parent. I do not think I'm elitist. But I can honestly say that I do not understand why some parents continue to choose things that have been repeatedly proven to be unsafe or less than beneficial for their child. I do not get it. With as much access as we have to scientific research...and books...and other educational materials...why? I wish someone could explain this to me without getting defensive, but I know that's probably not going to happen.
*I* cosleep because I'm paranoid that my baby will stop breathing in the middle of the night. It's been shown that safely bedsharing actually decreases the chances of SIDs because you're breathing, heart beat and slight movements "remind" the baby to breathe.
*I* breastfeed because the list of benefits is miles long and it doesn't make any sense to me to choose anything else because it's easier/more convenient when I have a body that makes exactly what my baby needs. And I've done FF and BF...FF seems much more inconvenient to me, actually. Oh, and I am not one of those people that breastfeeding comes naturally to. I have to muscle through it with lots of tears and such to get through to the "good place". I try not to judge, but it's very...very...hard when I see women whose babies latch perfectly just...stop. Because "it's too hard" and time consuming. Sorry, it really irks me. I'm being honest here when I say that I don't need 4 dozen stories on how you HAD to give up. I gave that excuse too, for my first 2, but I know...in my heart...if I had put in the time and tried harder...I would have succeeded. And I can admit that now. Because it's not fair to the expecting first time moms and the moms who failed with their first for me to sugar coat the situation. There was no reason I couldn't breastfeed. I gave up. I gave up because of lack of education and lack of motivation. Are my boys fine? Yep. But I'll always wonder...especially if one of them ever struggles with things that breastfeeding is proven to prevent/lessen/help...I'll wonder if that would be happening if I had pushed through and nursed them.
*I* don't CIO (any form...graduated to extinction method) because I found out I don't have to. There's no rule that your baby has to sleep through the night by a certain age. It's unreasonable to expect it...as there is much, much research on NORMAL sleep patterns. Every baby is different...but the human newborn/young infant is NOT wired to sleep through the night. Night waking is NORMAL and it is HEALTHY. A newborn/young infant is not capable of manipulation. When a baby cries, that is a cue. And yes, sometimes they cry for seemingly no reason. No reason to YOU anyway. Let's think about this from a physiological perspective...that whole 4th trimester perspective. It has been said that human babies actually should gestate more than 9 months, but can't because a human mother would not be able to give birth to a child that large. So they are born at about 40 weeks. Give or take a few. But those first 3 months out of utero are HARD on them. Their bodies are adapting to breathing...to eating...to moving...to urinating and defecating...And they're constantly growing. None of that sounds very comfortable to me. The only way a baby has to express themselves is crying. So yes, babies cry. But does that mean we should just let them lay there and do it on their own? Don't YOU prefer to be held by someone while you cry? Don't you want someone to comfort you? I don't get the reasoning behind making a baby "deal with it"...because somehow that's going to toughen them up? No. They stop crying because they give up. The baby gives up on the person that is supposed to hold, nourish and comfort them. And that breaks my heart every time I hear about it. Yeah, I know...there are different levels. And I can see it MAYBE for an older child. Like over 1 years old. MAYBE. I still wouldn't do it...but I think it's better than doing it to a baby who's only 3 or 4 months old. Even 8-9 months old. I don't get why people do it. Nothing you can say will convince me either, I've heard it all. I let Christopher CIO because I thought I had to. Like it was some rule of parenthood that I HAD to follow. Even though I felt like absolute crap doing it...I still did. And that...is why I write stuff like this. Just in case someone comes across it that thinks they HAVE to do the things that everyone else around them is doing.
Basically what I'm trying to get across here is...the phrase "But my kid(s) is/are fine" means nothing. You got lucky. You'll continue to be lucky...until you're not
I'll stop rambling now...Hopefully I gave you all something to think about. I know I probably alienated a lot of people...I don't MEAN to, really, but at least they're (you?) are thinking about these issues now.
Down with following along blindly! My wish is for every parent and guardian to LEARN about what they've chosen to do. WHY they're doing it. What risks are involved.
You get the point.
Knowledge is power, people. Knowledge is power.
Links to articles
Monday, November 5, 2012
My case for being an attached parent
I did not start out as an attached parent. As far as mothers ago, I was damn detached for quite a while. Along with being raised in a mainstream environment (and not knowing any different), I had the added "fun" of having severe PPD.
I had Christopher in August of 2003, I was 18. I hadn't even babysat a newborn at that point. I wanted to breastfeed, but gave up quickly...under the impression that it just wasn't that big of a deal. I didn't cosleep because, honestly, all I'd ever heard about kids who slept in their parents' beds was "THEY'LL NEVER LEAVE!"
Christopher was an "easy" baby. He didn't cry much. He slept through the night at a month old. He was generally happy to be on his own. Thanks to my PPD, my interactions with him for the first seven months of his life were strained at best. I would basically stare at this child, feeling like a babysitter waiting for his real mother to come get him. I didn't know how to speak to him, I didn't know how to entertain him.
I held him, I fed him...but I didn't connect with him. I watched a lot of TV that first 7 months. I really didn't leave the house unless it was to go to my inlaws on weekends. Things are kind of fuzzy, my memories aren't real clear from when he was a baby. I was lost in my own mind. I mourn his babyhood, because I feel like I missed so much of it.
We did CIO. We started rice cereal at 3 months. Started baby food at 4 months. He was forward facing in a car seat by 11 months. I wore him a couple times in a Bjorn and a sling, but it wasn't a regular thing.
Basically everything I don't do now. This amuses me sometimes...looking at how different things are now. It also makes me look at the difference in the bond I have with him and the one I have with Michael. And even Jacob. Although I still made some "mistakes" with Jacob, I had a firmer bond with him because I DID feel attached to him almost immediately. I was dreading another repeat of PPD with his birth, but it never returned.
Christopher and I have struggled with our relationship...a lot. He and I were constantly at odds for years. To the point where I would purposely avoid my own child because the fighting...never...stopped. I do blame this on previously being a detached parent and not knowing how to deal with him. It felt like my own kid was a stranger. I lashed out with anger in response to his behavior instead of stopping and thinking WHY it was happening. I wish I had had these epiphanies sooner. His younger years would have been much more enjoyable.
Now, let's talk about Michael. He was born at home...immediately put into my arms to nurse and wasn't taken from me at all, except by his father because, well, he wanted to hold his son. But nobody was there telling me that I should send him to the nursery. Nobody took him to get him circumcised. Nobody was there telling me that I couldn't let him sleep on my chest because "the bassinet was better". I was free to nurse and bond with my baby with no one but my husband and children around. It was wonderful. I had never felt so much love right after a birth before...it always took me a couple days to "come around".
I attended his every need. I nursed on demand (And yes, that means my butt was glued to the couch for 80% of the day for those first few months). I wore him and sniffed him. I slept with him next to me or on me. He was always with me. Physical contact with him comes as naturally as breathing. He never has (and never wil) CIO. We nurse to sleep for every nap and every bedtime. I wear him at home and everywhere we go.
Physical contact with Christopher was awkward for both of us for a long time. It's like we didn't know if it was okay to touch each other. He didn't hug me. And I felt weird trying to hug him. Mostly because he would usually run away. I have made great strides in this over the past couple years. I made the effort to "normalize" touching between us and now it's much better. He hugs me randomly throughout the day...we don't fight nearly as much (he's 9, it's going to happen). He tells me he loves me. It's a world of difference.
Although I didn't breastfeed Jacob either, physical affection comes naturally with him also because I held him and bonded with him much more than I did with Christopher.
Detached parenting may look attractive to some...it provides more freedom. Leaving the baby at home is easier...more free time at night...sleeping through the night...stuff like that. But, when it comes to how it FEELS...I will take being an attached parent over the alternative any day of the week. If I could do it all over again, I would do it this way....every time.
I realize that not everyone feels the way I do. But this is for those who feel like they HAVE to listen to the pediatrician telling you to start rice cereal at 3 months. Whose friends are telling them that they need to get that baby out of their bed NOW. Whose mom is telling them that they need to put the baby down or they're going to spoil him/her.
You CAN follow your instincts. It's okay. Really. It's OKAY to follow your heart where your baby is concerned.
It's okay.
I had Christopher in August of 2003, I was 18. I hadn't even babysat a newborn at that point. I wanted to breastfeed, but gave up quickly...under the impression that it just wasn't that big of a deal. I didn't cosleep because, honestly, all I'd ever heard about kids who slept in their parents' beds was "THEY'LL NEVER LEAVE!"
Christopher was an "easy" baby. He didn't cry much. He slept through the night at a month old. He was generally happy to be on his own. Thanks to my PPD, my interactions with him for the first seven months of his life were strained at best. I would basically stare at this child, feeling like a babysitter waiting for his real mother to come get him. I didn't know how to speak to him, I didn't know how to entertain him.
I held him, I fed him...but I didn't connect with him. I watched a lot of TV that first 7 months. I really didn't leave the house unless it was to go to my inlaws on weekends. Things are kind of fuzzy, my memories aren't real clear from when he was a baby. I was lost in my own mind. I mourn his babyhood, because I feel like I missed so much of it.
We did CIO. We started rice cereal at 3 months. Started baby food at 4 months. He was forward facing in a car seat by 11 months. I wore him a couple times in a Bjorn and a sling, but it wasn't a regular thing.
Basically everything I don't do now. This amuses me sometimes...looking at how different things are now. It also makes me look at the difference in the bond I have with him and the one I have with Michael. And even Jacob. Although I still made some "mistakes" with Jacob, I had a firmer bond with him because I DID feel attached to him almost immediately. I was dreading another repeat of PPD with his birth, but it never returned.
Christopher and I have struggled with our relationship...a lot. He and I were constantly at odds for years. To the point where I would purposely avoid my own child because the fighting...never...stopped. I do blame this on previously being a detached parent and not knowing how to deal with him. It felt like my own kid was a stranger. I lashed out with anger in response to his behavior instead of stopping and thinking WHY it was happening. I wish I had had these epiphanies sooner. His younger years would have been much more enjoyable.
Now, let's talk about Michael. He was born at home...immediately put into my arms to nurse and wasn't taken from me at all, except by his father because, well, he wanted to hold his son. But nobody was there telling me that I should send him to the nursery. Nobody took him to get him circumcised. Nobody was there telling me that I couldn't let him sleep on my chest because "the bassinet was better". I was free to nurse and bond with my baby with no one but my husband and children around. It was wonderful. I had never felt so much love right after a birth before...it always took me a couple days to "come around".
I attended his every need. I nursed on demand (And yes, that means my butt was glued to the couch for 80% of the day for those first few months). I wore him and sniffed him. I slept with him next to me or on me. He was always with me. Physical contact with him comes as naturally as breathing. He never has (and never wil) CIO. We nurse to sleep for every nap and every bedtime. I wear him at home and everywhere we go.
Physical contact with Christopher was awkward for both of us for a long time. It's like we didn't know if it was okay to touch each other. He didn't hug me. And I felt weird trying to hug him. Mostly because he would usually run away. I have made great strides in this over the past couple years. I made the effort to "normalize" touching between us and now it's much better. He hugs me randomly throughout the day...we don't fight nearly as much (he's 9, it's going to happen). He tells me he loves me. It's a world of difference.
Although I didn't breastfeed Jacob either, physical affection comes naturally with him also because I held him and bonded with him much more than I did with Christopher.
Detached parenting may look attractive to some...it provides more freedom. Leaving the baby at home is easier...more free time at night...sleeping through the night...stuff like that. But, when it comes to how it FEELS...I will take being an attached parent over the alternative any day of the week. If I could do it all over again, I would do it this way....every time.
I realize that not everyone feels the way I do. But this is for those who feel like they HAVE to listen to the pediatrician telling you to start rice cereal at 3 months. Whose friends are telling them that they need to get that baby out of their bed NOW. Whose mom is telling them that they need to put the baby down or they're going to spoil him/her.
You CAN follow your instincts. It's okay. Really. It's OKAY to follow your heart where your baby is concerned.
It's okay.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Proper carseat buckling
I've come to realize that, on average, people know diddly squat about properly securing a car seat. At least, I HOPE it's a lack of knowledge and not the alternative..."Eh, takes too long."
9 years ago...I didn't have a clue. I was the worse car seat buckler IN THE WORLD. Not kidding. I can't tell you how many times I only clipped the chest clip and left the rest hanging.
Seriously.
I'm honestly not sure WHY that seemed like an okay thing to do in my head. I've wracked my brain, but I can't answer that. I might have been an 18 year old idiot. My kids' straps were NEVER tightened enough and I had them both FF by 11 months.
But then...nobody told me that I was doing it wrong. Nobody said "Hey, you should probably fasten that a little bit tighter...because your kid could die in an accident."
I was probably still under that generic teen impression that I was immortal. You know we all do it. That "it will never happen to me" mindset. But like I said in my previous post, you may be the bestest driver EVAR...but you can't control what the guy next to you do is doing.
It is a miracle...a MIRACLE...that I never got into an accident worse than backing up into an ATM machine (true story). Or the mailbox fatality...but that happened before I had kids. I'm very thankful that I got this far without a bad accident and I feel much more prepared now that my kids are in appropriate seats.
So, onto the buckling!
9 years ago...I didn't have a clue. I was the worse car seat buckler IN THE WORLD. Not kidding. I can't tell you how many times I only clipped the chest clip and left the rest hanging.
Seriously.
I'm honestly not sure WHY that seemed like an okay thing to do in my head. I've wracked my brain, but I can't answer that. I might have been an 18 year old idiot. My kids' straps were NEVER tightened enough and I had them both FF by 11 months.
But then...nobody told me that I was doing it wrong. Nobody said "Hey, you should probably fasten that a little bit tighter...because your kid could die in an accident."
I was probably still under that generic teen impression that I was immortal. You know we all do it. That "it will never happen to me" mindset. But like I said in my previous post, you may be the bestest driver EVAR...but you can't control what the guy next to you do is doing.
It is a miracle...a MIRACLE...that I never got into an accident worse than backing up into an ATM machine (true story). Or the mailbox fatality...but that happened before I had kids. I'm very thankful that I got this far without a bad accident and I feel much more prepared now that my kids are in appropriate seats.
So, onto the buckling!
Right, so you can see above the 2 different photos. One of these days, I'll make one with my own kid...I swear.
On the left, this is what I see the most. Loose straps, chest clip down to the belly. This isn't going to do anything good for your child in a collision. The chest clip (aptly named the CHEST clip) needs to be at their sternum (armpits). This is because the sternum is very, very strong and won't break easily. As opposed to the ribs that will break VERY easily if the chest clip is where it's at on the picture on the left.
Second, the straps on the left are much too loose. I know, you don't want to make your child uncomfortable...but tight straps aren't going to hurt them. They shouldn't be killing the poor kid, but you shouldn't be able to pinch the fabric between your fingers at their shoulders, either.
So, chest clip UP and straps TIGHT. Seems pretty easy. I am not a car seat expert or tech, by any means, nor do I claim to be one...this is just a friendly reminder that there IS a correct way to buckle your kiddo in. Oh and in infant seats (aka bucket seats), make sure the handle is back. Like the image says, it's designed to hit the seat back and create a protective shell.
Drive safely!
More on the car seat debacle
What are the main reasons people give for turning their kids around at around 1 years old?
1. They want to see!
2. Their legs will break if I get into an accident.
3. It look so uncomfortable!
4. He/She doesn't like his/her car seat. If I turn him/her around, maybe he/she will like it better.
I admit, I got all excited when my oldest two offspring turned one because it meant they could turn around like "big boys". I now realize this isn't an upgrade, it's a downgrade in safety.
So many of us think this is some kind of huge milestone, but it's only increasing the likelihood of injury (and death) in the event of an accident. Ever heard of internal decapitation? Not pretty.
There is a 5 year span of babyless-ness between Emma and Michael. In that 5 years, I learned a LOT about car seats. I am embarrassed by my lack of knowledge in that area until recently. I really am. Emma was in a BOOSTER SEAT when she was 3. THREE! I don't even know why that seemed like a good idea to me. I'm happy to say that all 3 of my older children are back in 5 point harnesses.
Where they should be.
Yes, my oldest two are 9 and nearly 8. Yes, they are in harnesses. Graco Nautiluses, actually. They have not grown out of the height and weight requirements just yet, and I am considering buying seats with higher requirements when our tax return comes just so they will remain harnessed longer.
Now, what are the comments that I usually hear about this?
1. But those are baby seats!
2. You're going to embarrass them.
3. They're too big for that kind of thing.
It is MUCH safer for children to be in 5 point harnesses. Hell, it's safer for ANYONE to be in a 5 point harness. Why do you think race car drivers have them?
My children are not embarrassed. We have talked many, many times about how their seats are safer and that if we get into an accident, they will help keep them uninjured. They understand this and they are perfectly fine using them. Their friends only made comments once, and my children explained why they have the seats they have. Friends looked confused...I know at least one of them doesn't even use a booster seat (or a seat belt) in his dad's truck. The lack of education on this is scary.
I hear excuses all the time. All the time. But let's look at it this way, shall we? You could be the best, most safest driver in the world...you could have the cleanest driving record ever. But that doesn't mean that some random person who isn't paying attention can't plow into the back of your car. Or, what if you were in traffic. Dead stop traffic on the highway and you happen to be the last car in "line" and it happens to be right after a bend in the road. Let's say a truck driver, doing a good 65mph is coming around that bend and is distracted by something for a moment and doesn't see the stopped cars. You're a sitting duck. THEN is when you want your kids in the safest seats they can be in. Ejection is one of the lead causes of child death in motor vehicle accidents. Booster seats are notorious for this. Especially in smaller children.
So, before you decided to turn little Johnny or Molly on their first birthday...why don't you take a moment to learn about what exactly you're doing? It can't hurt.
http://www.kyledavidmiller.org/ - A good example of why booster seats aren't they best option for kids who can still be harnessed.
http://www.parenting.com/blogs/show-and-tell/kate-parentingcom/rear-facing-car-seat-safety - One boy's journey with internal decapitation.
http://www.nhtsa.gov/Safety/CPS - Is your child in the right seat?
1. They want to see!
2. Their legs will break if I get into an accident.
3. It look so uncomfortable!
4. He/She doesn't like his/her car seat. If I turn him/her around, maybe he/she will like it better.
I admit, I got all excited when my oldest two offspring turned one because it meant they could turn around like "big boys". I now realize this isn't an upgrade, it's a downgrade in safety.
So many of us think this is some kind of huge milestone, but it's only increasing the likelihood of injury (and death) in the event of an accident. Ever heard of internal decapitation? Not pretty.
There is a 5 year span of babyless-ness between Emma and Michael. In that 5 years, I learned a LOT about car seats. I am embarrassed by my lack of knowledge in that area until recently. I really am. Emma was in a BOOSTER SEAT when she was 3. THREE! I don't even know why that seemed like a good idea to me. I'm happy to say that all 3 of my older children are back in 5 point harnesses.
Where they should be.
Yes, my oldest two are 9 and nearly 8. Yes, they are in harnesses. Graco Nautiluses, actually. They have not grown out of the height and weight requirements just yet, and I am considering buying seats with higher requirements when our tax return comes just so they will remain harnessed longer.
Now, what are the comments that I usually hear about this?
1. But those are baby seats!
2. You're going to embarrass them.
3. They're too big for that kind of thing.
It is MUCH safer for children to be in 5 point harnesses. Hell, it's safer for ANYONE to be in a 5 point harness. Why do you think race car drivers have them?
My children are not embarrassed. We have talked many, many times about how their seats are safer and that if we get into an accident, they will help keep them uninjured. They understand this and they are perfectly fine using them. Their friends only made comments once, and my children explained why they have the seats they have. Friends looked confused...I know at least one of them doesn't even use a booster seat (or a seat belt) in his dad's truck. The lack of education on this is scary.
I hear excuses all the time. All the time. But let's look at it this way, shall we? You could be the best, most safest driver in the world...you could have the cleanest driving record ever. But that doesn't mean that some random person who isn't paying attention can't plow into the back of your car. Or, what if you were in traffic. Dead stop traffic on the highway and you happen to be the last car in "line" and it happens to be right after a bend in the road. Let's say a truck driver, doing a good 65mph is coming around that bend and is distracted by something for a moment and doesn't see the stopped cars. You're a sitting duck. THEN is when you want your kids in the safest seats they can be in. Ejection is one of the lead causes of child death in motor vehicle accidents. Booster seats are notorious for this. Especially in smaller children.
So, before you decided to turn little Johnny or Molly on their first birthday...why don't you take a moment to learn about what exactly you're doing? It can't hurt.
http://www.kyledavidmiller.org/ - A good example of why booster seats aren't they best option for kids who can still be harnessed.
http://www.parenting.com/blogs/show-and-tell/kate-parentingcom/rear-facing-car-seat-safety - One boy's journey with internal decapitation.
http://www.nhtsa.gov/Safety/CPS - Is your child in the right seat?
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Extended rear facing in a carseat vs turning forward at a year.
It is a very common practice to turn your child ff (or forward facing) at a year old. Recently, the recommendation has changed to 2 years, but it is not widely known as of yet.
8 years ago, I turned Christopher ff at 11 months. Because I didn't know better. I was the world's worst car seat buckler, too. I shudder at those photos from back then. I am so, so lucky that I never got into an accident...I would be down 1 or 2 children.
Extended rearfacing is much safer. This is proven. Even past 2 years. The IDEAL is staying rf until the child has outgrown the height and weight recommendations of their carseat.
http://www.cpsafety.com/articles/stayrearfacing.aspx
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=sssIsceKd6U&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DsssIsceKd6U
http://babyproducts.about.com/od/carseats/qt/rear_facing.htm
Personal Post: Our Journey
I feel the need to get this out. Mostly because of all the strange looks I get or the "wtf" laced comments I get from time to time. I am in no way saying that MY (our) way of doing things are superior or the right thing to do in 100% of situations. As a first time parent, at age 18...I would have greatly benefited from knowing much of what I know now. And, besides a few posts on Opendiary, I never saw any of this kind of stuff out there. My mind would have been changed about a lot of things if I had.
My parenting journey started when I was 18. Pregnant with Christopher just 7 months after graduating high school. I had no experience with small babies. Nor did I have any clue of what pregnancy held. Or birth, for that matter. I fell into that mainstream mindset of handing yourself over to an OB for 9 months and basically doing whatever they told you do. My first mistake. I should have done research. I should have learned as much as I could about pregnancy and birth. But I didn't.
Christopher's birth was horrific. I can't remember 80% of it. I felt helpless, lost and quite abused. I won't get into the whole thing, but in addition to the craziness, I was also denied access to my child for 4 hours afterwards with no explanation.
The one thing I had been very adamant about my entire pregnancy was breastfeeding. And it didn't come as naturally as I thought it would. Hell, I couldn't even get the kid to latch on. I was pressured into giving him formula by the nurses who told me I was starving my baby and that I needed sleep...so they were just going to take him to the nursery.
My hospital experience left me feeling like a complete failure and sometimes I wasn't even sure I had given birth at all. Upon bringing Christopher home, I felt like I was the babysitter and his *real* mom was going to come get him at any moment.
Breastfeeding got no easier at home and I gave up. I feel immense guilt for this. Yes, I know...here's where the comments about "My kid had formula, and he/she is FINE!" Well, that doesn't work for me. The one thing I did research during pregnancy was breastfeeding and it's 10 mile long list of benefits. Knowing what I knew about it, there is no way I can not feel guilt for giving up.
I suffered 6 months of severe post partum depression due to the circumstances of his birth, failed breastfeeding and the general feeling of "I have no clue what I'm doing". I hid it well. Ask my friends.
When Christopher turned 7 months old, I found out I was pregnant again. With Jacob. And I was determined to do it better this time. I got myself a midwife and, stupidly, assumed that's all I needed to do.
I wrote a birth plan and got all set for round 2 in the (albeit different) hospital. I assumed that because I had a midwife, everything would be different.
Not so much, as I found out.
Although it was specified in previously mentioned birth plan that I would like NOT to be offered drugs, Nubain (a narcotic) was offered to me within MOMENTS of my first really painful contraction. And that's about all of THAT birth that I remember. My birth plan was thrown out of the proverbial window. I was so out of it when he was born that I couldn't even open my eyes or hold him. I was aware of people talking to me and telling me to open my eyes and look at my son...But I could not physically do it.
Anyone who says that the only thing that matters is having a healthy baby at the end has never had a traumatic birth. I mean that. It is not stupid for a woman to mourn the loss of the birth she wanted. It is a very real loss and a very deep wound. And I will stand by that statement until the day I die.
Again, breastfeeding failed. Again, I was left in a horrible amount of guilt. PPD never did come, though. For that, I was thankful.
Emma's birth, I won't even go into because it messes with my head to even write about it. Needless to say, she was also a hospital birth..my most traumatic by far. It was, however, my first fully unmedicated birth. And she latched right on. That was my saving grace.
I finally got to experience the nursing bond that I never had with the boys. Which, at first, only made me mourn that loss more. I felt guilty that I had never had that bond with the boys.
Nursing was hard at first. Harder than I ever though it would be. That shit hurt. Every time she would latch on, my toes would literally curl. I even cried sometimes. I had learned early in my pregnancy that I had flat nipples and that the adhesions would need to be broken. Not freakin' pleasant, let me tell you. Pure stubbornness kept me going. I refused to quit. I refused because I knew that I could do it and nobody was going to tell me otherwise. I would not succumb to pressure again and, by God, I succeeded. I nursed that little girl until she was 15 months old and weaned herself. And I was upset! I was fully prepared to go well into the 2's.
I believe in extended breastfeeding. Yes, I know...If the kid can ask for it, it's time to stop. Do me a favor and google the worldwide age for weaning. Here's a hint, 4 is the YOUNGEST age. Then google "benefits of extended breastfeeding". Go ahead, I'll wait. Yes, I know you think it's gross. That's your issue. If you see something sexual when you see a child breastfeeding, that's YOUR issue. Not mine.
Do I plan on breastfeeding Michael until he wants to stop? Why yes, yes I do. And I am prepared to defend that until kingdom come. So do me a favor and do your research before coming at me with the "Ew!" comments. Mmkay?
Back to the birth subject. All that schtuff I just babbled about is why I was so set on homebirth. If you'd told me when I was 18 that I was going to give birth nearly 9 years later in my KITCHEN, I would have looked at you like you had 9 heads. I have the lowest pain tolerance in the world. Why in the HELL would I want to give birth at home and unmedicated?
Because I did my research. I read and read and read and compared and read some more. I talked to other women who have the same feelings as I do and finally felt validated for the thoughts I had. For a long time I thought I was the only one that felt that way. That I was the only one who longed to birth a child and be in control of what was going on. To decide what, where, when and HOW.
And so, that's how I came to birth Michael...my largest child at 9.5lbs and 22 inches long...in my kitchen with my husband and midwife while my father was outside having his morning coffee on the porch.
Again, I know the comments that are coming. And again, GOOGLE. Do your research before jumping to conclusions about homebirth. What you learn may surprise you. And no, it's not for every woman. There are TONS of woman who are perfectly comfortable in the hospital. Not everybody is and not everybody SHOULD HAVE TO BE.
I just want women to know that it's okay to question what is happening to you. It's okay to want things for yourself and your birth and your baby that maybe the medical professionals scoff at. Do yourself a favor and watch "The Business of Being Born". LEARN...LEARN as much as you can. Research! Question everything!
It's your right.
It's also your right to go to a hospital, have an epidural, get induced, etc. Just, please, do your research first. Ignorance may be bliss...but the more you know, the better you do. And we all have some drive to do better, don't we?
It saddens me deeply to see women following along with what society sees as "normal" maternity care...not knowing why they don't feel as happy as they thought they would. The problem is that so many women aren't aware that there are other ways. They may not be the most popular or the most common...but it's there. If I had known a third of what I know now...if someone had just taken me by the hand and taught me, encouraged me to learn, encouraged me to question...things would have been a lot different.
Obviously, I'm pretty passionate about these things. I don't usually go spouting off because, what's the point? People are going to do what they're going to do. I usually just encourage others to research. Not sure if you should breastfeed? Research! Thinking about induction/epidural/c-section? Research! Vaccinations? Research! Cosleeping? Research!
You get the idea.
Do we cosleep? Yes, we do. As a nursing mother, it makes things much easier. It's been proven that the instances of SIDs are LESS with cosleeping when done correctly and safely. Lots of this has to do with simple common sense. Drunk? Don't sleep next to your baby. Take sleep aids? Probably not a good idea. Also, nursing mothers produce a hormone that makes them supersensitive to their babies while sleeping. I'm not kidding, I can wake up and know exactly where he is without even thinking about it. If you're about to tell me that if I cosleep, he'll never, ever leave our bed and we'll have to force him out when he's 10 years old....please don't. Because that means you've formed your opinion on absolutely nothing and need to (are you tired of this word yet?) RESEARCH.
It can pretty much be assumed by now that we do not practice Crying It Out. After all I've seen on what it does to a small babys brain and body as a whole...there's no way I can do it, even if it's 3:30 in the morning and I'm so tired that I can barely stand up. I still won't do it. This is one thing that I DO get angry about. If you can still practice CIO after seeing what it does to them...well...you probably wouldn't talk to me much after I got done with THAT speech.
Baby's are not mini-adults. I have no idea how many times I've said that...thousands, probably. For all our many accomplishments as a rather educated species, we are still, at base, mammals. Mammals who have babies who are 100% dependent on us for at least the first year of life.
Newborns are not supposed to sleep through the night. You cannot spoil a baby by picking them up. Infants are supposed to be held. Inconvenient to you or not, this is the way it works. If you wanted freedom, you shouldn't have given birth.
My friends list is going to be a lot smaller soon, isn't it?
We delay our kids' vaccinations. There are so many different opinions on this, I can only say that the reason WE do this is because we don't believe that a small babys body should be inundated with such things. Too much for them to handle and on the off chance that it results in a violent reaction...an older child's body is more equipped to deal with it. I was vindicated in my beliefs when Jacob had round one of the MMR vaccine a couple years ago (I think he was 4) and he had a reaction that involved severe swelling. If he had been an infant, he would have been hospitalized and most likely intubated.
That is why we delay our kids' vaccinations. I have weighed the facts, risks and all else. This is one of those things where is hard to say "THIS IS 100% right" because...well, we don't know. It it my firm belief that vaccinations should NOT be one size fits all and I think there should be a lot more research done on the ingredients and side effects. There's no ONE correct answer when it comes to vaxxes.
Circumcising. 2 out of 3 of my boys are cut. I regret this DEEPLY. I never wanted any of them to be circumcised, but gave into the pressure of family and my husband. HOWEVER, after my husband did his research (finally. Thank you, dear) he also came to share my viewpoint. And Michael is not cut. This is one of those things, like CIO, that anger me. Watch a video. Read some research. If you can do it to your kid KNOWING what happens...You know why your baby fell asleep so fast after it? Because he's in shock. And yes, it has been proven. And no, they do NOT give substantial anesthetic to newborns. Even the Pediatric Association has deemed circumcision as medically unnecessary! READ, people! That's what it's there for! And, for the record, "I want him to look like his daddy" is NOT an acceptable reason for having it done. I have a strong urge to slap people when I hear that. Be warned. (Although I am not religious, I do understand the religious reasons. Doesn't make me agree with it any more, but I do understand.)
Child lead solids. This isn't very widespread, as I've found out. I "did" babyfood with my first 2. I never understood WHY exactly...just "that's what you do!". When I was pregnant with Emma, I came across a couple articles that mentioned it, so I did some research of my own and found that it made a bunch more sense to me than what I had previously done. So no, we don't "do" babyfood anymore. For one, starting a baby on solids at 3 months is not a good idea. Again, google. Their little bodies are not equipped for it. Did you know that babies don't even make the enzyme you need to digest grains? At 3 months old, their digestive system is totally stressing to digest that rice cereal you just gave them. I know, I know..you fed your kid rice cereal at 2.5 months and he was FINE. I fed Christopher rice cereal at 3 months, too. Would I have done that if I had seen the research? Nope. Even if he was fine. Solid food is not meant to be a nutritional requirement for a baby until they are over a year old. No matter what your mother, mother in law, cousin, aunt, etc...says. It is perfectly normal for a baby to be exclusively breast fed (My mind is blanking on formula fed babies, sorry) until they're a year old. Don't believe me? Look it up. Most babies show interest in food, yeah. Emma was VERY into food by the time she was 10 months old...I have videos. But NURSING was what gave her what she needed. Christopher, on the other hand, showed no interest in food until around a year old. I know BLS is not for everyone...but do your research before trying to shove rice cereal down your 3 month olds throat so he'll "sleep longer".
Here are a bunch of links for all of you so that you may see that I actually DO form my opinions on something. And so...y'know...maybe someone who was like me at 18, will learn something that will change the way they do things and make them happier, healthier and more educated. ;)
http://www.scienceandsensibility.org/?p=533 (A new era of homebirth research)
http://www.gentlebirth.org/format/myths.html (Is Homebirth for you?)
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html (Breastfeeding past infancy Fact Sheet)
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/scientific-benefits-co-sleeping (Scientific benefits of cosleeping)
http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/07/05/no-cry-it-out/#.TuKYbEozJvY (Dangers of practicing CIO)
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-baby/science-says-excessive-crying-could-be-harmful (More CIO stuff)
http://www.hip-chick-pregnancy-guide.com/circumcision/ (Graphic..and if you've ever felt bad about getting your child circumcised...you'll cry. I did.)
http://www.drjen4kids.com/myths/mythrice.htm (The "baby will sleep longer" myth)
http://www.kellymom.com/nutrition/solids/delay-solids.html (About delaying solids)
There's just a few. There is so much more out there. Research before you do. Please. Even if you're exiting out of this page to defriend me because I've royally pissed you off. PLEASE. Educate yourself. Parenting is not about your convenience. It's about doing the best you can for your child. And, my number one saying, the more you know, the better you do.
Breastfeeding Resources
http://www.nancymohrbacher.com/blog/2012/10/31/do-older-babies-need-night-feedings.html
http://www.nancymohrbacher.com/blog/2012/9/21/diaper-output-milk-intake-in-the-early-weeks.html
http://www.womenshealth.gov/breastfeeding/
http://www.thealphaparent.com/search/label/breastfeeding
http://www.nancymohrbacher.com/blog/2012/9/21/diaper-output-milk-intake-in-the-early-weeks.html
http://www.womenshealth.gov/breastfeeding/
http://www.thealphaparent.com/search/label/breastfeeding
Breastfeeding Past Infancy: Fact Sheet
http://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/ebf-benefits/
Circumcision is a choice, it is not mandatory.
If you think you have to circumcise, but feel like you don't want to....start here.
http://www.drmomma.org/2012/05/why-i-speak-up.html
http://www.thewholenetwork.org/
http://www.thewholenetwork.org/the-foreskin-and-penis.html#foreskin
http://www.drmomma.org/2012/05/why-i-speak-up.html
http://www.thewholenetwork.org/
http://www.thewholenetwork.org/the-foreskin-and-penis.html#foreskin
Welcome!
Welcome to my new blog.
I am Sarah. At 28, I am mother to Christopher (9), Jacob (nearly 8), Emma (5) and Michael (18m). I am also wife to my husband Patrick. Together for nearly 11 years, married for 6.
I became a mom at 18. A role I actually never thought I'd fill. I came into this with limited knowledge. I believed that there was one way of doing this and "that's just what you do." I soon learned that I was not happy with this "one way" system. Reading other women and moms at my original internet journaling community introduced me to the "crunchy" world of breastfeeding, extended breastfeeding, babywearing, attachment parenting and other such things.
I found this lifestyle much more comfortable than the mainstream that everyone else around me seemed to be following. But I wouldn't even KNOW about it if someone hadn't written and talked about it.
I gave birth with no control because I didn't know any different. I CIO'd because I didn't know any different. I started rice cereal at 3 months because I didn't know any different. I gave up breastfeeding because I didn't know any different. I circumcised because I didn't know any different.
You get the point.
When you know better, you do better. And so many seem to be stuck in the mindset that there is "one way" to do things and that is the way it's "always been done." What parents need to know is they have CHOICES. They have OPTIONS. They have the RIGHT to make choices that FIT their family.
Parenthood is a journey that is filled with hard questions and even harder answers. The best we can do is learn everything we can about everything we're doing.
There is no harm in learning...there IS harm in following blindly.
Carry on.
I am Sarah. At 28, I am mother to Christopher (9), Jacob (nearly 8), Emma (5) and Michael (18m). I am also wife to my husband Patrick. Together for nearly 11 years, married for 6.
I became a mom at 18. A role I actually never thought I'd fill. I came into this with limited knowledge. I believed that there was one way of doing this and "that's just what you do." I soon learned that I was not happy with this "one way" system. Reading other women and moms at my original internet journaling community introduced me to the "crunchy" world of breastfeeding, extended breastfeeding, babywearing, attachment parenting and other such things.
I found this lifestyle much more comfortable than the mainstream that everyone else around me seemed to be following. But I wouldn't even KNOW about it if someone hadn't written and talked about it.
I gave birth with no control because I didn't know any different. I CIO'd because I didn't know any different. I started rice cereal at 3 months because I didn't know any different. I gave up breastfeeding because I didn't know any different. I circumcised because I didn't know any different.
You get the point.
When you know better, you do better. And so many seem to be stuck in the mindset that there is "one way" to do things and that is the way it's "always been done." What parents need to know is they have CHOICES. They have OPTIONS. They have the RIGHT to make choices that FIT their family.
Parenthood is a journey that is filled with hard questions and even harder answers. The best we can do is learn everything we can about everything we're doing.
There is no harm in learning...there IS harm in following blindly.
Carry on.
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