Musings of the controversial kind

We've all said it. Even if it's only in our heads.

Nobody likes to admit that they may have done something less than healthy/safe/good for their child. There are many things that I've done that are now very questionable to me...and my kids are fine. Well, at least I think they're fine.

Christopher cried it out. Christopher AND Jacob were formula fed. Emma was in a booster seat by age 3. Jacob was circumcised. For the first 3 years of the boys' lives, they were almost never safely secured into their carseats. Christopher, Jacob AND Emma were turned forward facing by a year or shortly before. All 3 were also placed on top of carts in their bucket seats. A lot.

And yes, they are fine. Because somehow, I got lucky. The only thing I did not get lucky on was Jacob's reaction to the MMR vaccine. Thankfully, that has (thus far) had no residual effects.

You can say it till your head falls off..."I did it, and he/she's fine."

Until they're not.

Until you're that one person who's baby fell off the top of the cart. The one person who's kid went flying from the car during an accident because they should have been in a 5 point harness. That rare instance that the baby had an undiagnosed heart condition and crying it out caused cardiac arrest (I actually know someone who this happened to. It's horrible.) The one who's baby slipped away quietly during the night and nobody noticed till morning. The one who's baby has a life threatening reaction to a round of vaccines.

Most of us have gotten through parenthood so far with minimal issue. Some stitches here...some scrapes here. Maybe a concussion. But then there are those parents who something unthinkable happened to. And now they're left wondering "What if I had done something different?"

I do not think of myself as a perfect parent. I do not think I'm elitist. But I can honestly say that I do not understand why some parents continue to choose things that have been repeatedly proven to be unsafe or less than beneficial for their child. I do not get it. With as much access as we have to scientific research...and books...and other educational materials...why? I wish someone could explain this to me without getting defensive, but I know that's probably not going to happen.

*I* cosleep because I'm paranoid that my baby will stop breathing in the middle of the night. It's been shown that safely bedsharing actually decreases the chances of SIDs because you're breathing, heart beat and slight movements "remind" the baby to breathe.

*I* breastfeed because the list of benefits is miles long and it doesn't make any sense to me to choose anything else because it's easier/more convenient when I have a body that makes exactly what my baby needs. And I've done FF and BF...FF seems much more inconvenient to me, actually. Oh, and I am not one of those people that breastfeeding comes naturally to. I have to muscle through it with lots of tears and such to get through to the "good place".  I try not to judge, but it's very...very...hard when I see women whose babies latch perfectly just...stop. Because "it's too hard" and time consuming. Sorry, it really irks me. I'm being honest here when I say that I don't need 4 dozen stories on how you HAD to give up. I gave that excuse too, for my first 2, but I know...in my heart...if I had put in the time and tried harder...I would have succeeded. And I can admit that now. Because it's not fair to the expecting first time moms and the moms who failed with their first for me to sugar coat the situation. There was no reason I couldn't breastfeed. I gave up. I gave up because of lack of education and lack of motivation. Are my boys fine? Yep. But I'll always wonder...especially if one of them ever struggles with things that breastfeeding is proven to prevent/lessen/help...I'll wonder if that would be happening if I had pushed through and nursed them.

*I* don't CIO (any form...graduated to extinction method) because I found out I don't have to.  There's no rule that your baby has to sleep through the night by a certain age. It's unreasonable to expect it...as there is much, much research on NORMAL sleep patterns. Every baby is different...but the human newborn/young infant is NOT wired to sleep through the night.  Night waking is NORMAL and it is HEALTHY. A newborn/young infant is not capable of manipulation. When a baby cries, that is a cue. And yes, sometimes they cry for seemingly no reason. No reason to YOU anyway. Let's think about this from a physiological perspective...that whole 4th trimester perspective. It has been said that human babies actually should gestate more than 9 months, but can't because a human mother would not be able to give birth to a child that large. So they are born at about 40 weeks. Give or take a few. But those first 3 months out of utero are HARD on them. Their bodies are adapting to breathing...to eating...to moving...to urinating and defecating...And they're constantly growing. None of that sounds very comfortable to me. The only way a baby has to express themselves is crying. So yes, babies cry. But does that mean we should just let them lay there and do it on their own? Don't YOU prefer to be held by someone while you cry? Don't you want someone to comfort you? I don't get the reasoning behind making a baby "deal with it"...because somehow that's going to toughen them up? No. They stop crying because they give up. The baby gives up on the person that is supposed to hold, nourish and comfort them. And that breaks my heart every time I hear about it. Yeah, I know...there are different levels. And I can see it MAYBE for an older child. Like over 1 years old. MAYBE. I still wouldn't do it...but I think it's better than doing it to a baby who's only 3 or 4 months old. Even 8-9 months old. I don't get why people do it. Nothing you can say will convince me either, I've heard it all. I let Christopher CIO because I thought I had to. Like it was some rule of parenthood that I HAD to follow. Even though I felt like absolute crap doing it...I still did. And that...is why I write stuff like this. Just in case someone comes across it that thinks they HAVE to do the things that everyone else around them is doing.

Basically what I'm trying to get across here is...the phrase "But my kid(s) is/are fine" means nothing. You got lucky. You'll continue to be lucky...until you're not

I'll stop rambling now...Hopefully I gave you all something to think about. I know I probably alienated a lot of people...I don't MEAN to, really, but at least they're (you?) are thinking about these issues now.

Down with following along blindly! My wish is for every parent and guardian to LEARN about what they've chosen to do. WHY they're doing it. What risks are involved.

You get the point.

Knowledge is power, people. Knowledge is power.