What this is all about

When one has different ideas from the mainstream ones of society, they have to expect negativity.

When I started writing publicly...11 long years ago...I wasn't prepared for the negativity. It doesn't matter what you do, when you do it or how well you do. People are going to find something to bitch about. In my case, it was being 18...a very naive 18...and having a baby. More or less on purpose, at that.

I had rose colored glasses the size of Texas. So the negativity that inevitably came was surprising. And hurtful. I actually credit the internet to making me realize that some people are just unreachable and aren't going to like you no matter what you do. It doesn't hurt anymore. It's annoying at times, especially when people miss the entire point of what you put in front of them...but so be it.

I don't write this stuff thinking that I'm going to change every single persons' mind who reads it. I'm not saying you are the most horrible, terrible parent in the world because you don't do the things I do.

I write for the people who are open to learning. Who are accepting and logical and can say "Hey, maybe that wasn't the best idea...I should probably learn more about this." Without immediately going into attack mode "OMG, YOU'RE CALLING ME A BAD MOTHER! OMG! YOU BITCH!".

Yeah, no. I'm not. Really. There is a difference between not understanding someone's choices and calling them a bad parent.

The tricky part here, is that it SEEMS as if I am attacking certain parenting choices because there are words used like "safer" and "better". But I really can't apologize if there is evidence, research and RESULTS saying that such-and-such is, in fact, better/safer. And what I want to say back to these people is this:

"So, you're saying that because YOU did it and nothing bad happened...EVERYONE should continue to do so?"

I would also like to point out that this is really, really illogical and is actually kind of dumb. Sorry. It's the truth.

Example:

"Smoking is bad for your health."
"Well, my grandpa smoked for 60 years and never got cancer."

So, the point is because your grandpa smoked and never got cancer...this proves that smoking is safe and nobody's going to get cancer?

I'm sure when all the new evidence was coming out about how harmful smoking was way back when, people reacted the same as they do to me and my posts..."But doctors said it was okay!" "I smoked through all my pregnancies and my kids are fine!"

Now, what do most people do when we see a pregnant woman smoking? "Ick, she should know better."

But once upon a time, everybody did it. So everybody accepted it. Herd logic. 


Can you at least see where I'm trying to go with this?

Just because it hasn't happened to YOU...or someone close to you...doesn't mean it can't happen. This is the beauty of google, people....we have no excuse to live in a bubble anymore.

Example with parenting subject:

"You know, it's been shown that CIO has negative effects on a young baby."
"Eh, my older kid is fine."

OR

"So, did you know that putting the carseat on top of a shopping cart is unsafe? Babies have died!"
"I did it with my baby and she survived, so...."

Again, this is the mindset of, well...nothing happened to THAT child, so nothing will happened to the next one either. Or anybody else's, for that matter.

But, if I may ask a morbid question, what if you had your first child and started sleep training at 4,5 even 6 months...and said baby died. It has been documented, after all, that excessive crying can actually make their little bodies shut down. Would you, honestly, let any subsequent children CIO?

Why wait until it happens to you?

We could ask the same thing of so many subjects...car seats, circumcision, etc.

A big part of the reason why I write and post the stuff I do is because I know there are parents and future parents out there that just don't know. They accept the "old ways" as the "only ways" and they don't question it. But there is a percentage of them who are open to new ideas. Willing to educate themselves about these things.

I will be honest and say I do have a problem with people who look at the facts and the research and the evidence and still say "Well, my kid turned out okay, so all this is bullshit." What we all need to realize is that parenting is a lifelong learning experience. Things change and new evidence comes out all the time. The tricky part is keeping up with it. But we have to try, right? I mean, parenting is all about doing what's best for your kids...and if something comes out that has research based evidence saying "Hey, we got this wrong...this is a better way to go about things!", one would think most parents would stop and listen.

I'm not writing for the ones who are white knuckle-gripping onto their "BUT I DID IT AND THEY'RE FINE!" ideals. That's fine. I'm glad that you are so secure in your parenting that you don't feel the need to research and learn. I'm not one of those people.

I'm writing for the ones who are open to it. Who are looking around for answers that they might not have gotten from their pediatrician, mother-in-law, cousin, etc. Because I was one. I thought there was some unwritten list of rules about parenting and everybody did them and that was that. I am SO GLAD someone said "Hey, there are different ways of doing things." I'm grateful for the women who took a chance and said "Um...you know that's not the safest thing, right?"

I could have gotten angry. I could have cut them off and ended a friendship. But instead I said "Really? Can you tell me more?"

And if what I put out there helps even one person, it's worth it. All the complaining and the comments and the passive aggressive bitching....it's worth it.

And this is where my inner-asshole says "Come at me, bro."

Mostly because that phrase makes me giggle.

Carry on.

Proper carseat buckling

I've come to realize that, on average, people know diddly squat about properly securing a car seat. At least, I HOPE it's a lack of knowledge and not the alternative..."Eh, takes too long."

9 years ago...I didn't have a clue. I was the worse car seat buckler IN THE WORLD. Not kidding. I can't tell you how many times I only clipped the chest clip and left the rest hanging.

Seriously.

I'm honestly not sure WHY that seemed like an okay thing to do in my head. I've wracked my brain, but I can't answer that. I might have been an 18 year old idiot. My kids' straps were NEVER tightened enough and I had them both FF by 11 months.

But then...nobody told me that I was doing it wrong. Nobody said "Hey, you should probably fasten that a little bit tighter...because your kid could die in an accident."

I was probably still under that generic teen impression that I was immortal. You know we all do it. That "it will never happen to me" mindset. But like I said in my previous post, you may be the bestest driver EVAR...but you can't control what the guy next to you do is doing.

It is a miracle...a MIRACLE...that I never got into an accident worse than backing up into an ATM machine (true story). Or the mailbox fatality...but that happened before I had kids. I'm very thankful that I got this far without a bad accident and I feel much more prepared now that my kids are in appropriate seats.

So, onto the buckling!

 

Right, so you can see above the 2 different photos.  One of these days, I'll make one with my own kid...I swear.

On the left, this is what I see the most. Loose straps, chest clip down to the belly. This isn't going to do anything good for your child in a collision.  The chest clip (aptly named the CHEST clip) needs to be at their sternum (armpits). This is because the sternum is very, very strong and won't break easily. As opposed to the ribs that will break VERY easily if the chest clip is where it's at on the picture on the left.

Second, the straps on the left are much too loose. I know, you don't want to make your child uncomfortable...but tight straps aren't going to hurt them. They shouldn't be killing the poor kid, but you shouldn't be able to pinch the fabric between your fingers at their shoulders, either. 

So, chest clip UP and straps TIGHT. Seems pretty easy. I am not a car seat expert or tech, by any means, nor do I claim to be one...this is just a friendly reminder that there IS a correct way to buckle your kiddo in. Oh and in infant seats (aka bucket seats), make sure the handle is back. Like the image says, it's designed to hit the seat back and create a protective shell.

Drive safely!

More on the car seat debacle

What are the main reasons people give for turning their kids around at around 1 years old?

1. They want to see!
2. Their legs will break if I get into an accident.
3. It look so uncomfortable!
4. He/She doesn't like his/her car seat. If I turn him/her around, maybe he/she will like it better.

I admit, I got all excited when my oldest two offspring turned one because it meant they could turn around like "big boys". I now realize this isn't an upgrade, it's a downgrade in safety.

So many of us think this is some kind of huge milestone, but it's only increasing the likelihood of injury (and death) in the event of an accident. Ever heard of internal decapitation? Not pretty.

There is a 5 year span of babyless-ness between Emma and Michael. In that 5 years, I learned a LOT about car seats. I am embarrassed by my lack of knowledge in that area until recently. I really am. Emma was in a BOOSTER SEAT when she was 3. THREE! I don't even know why that seemed like a good idea to me. I'm happy to say that all 3 of my older children are back in 5 point harnesses.

Where they should be.

Yes, my oldest two are 9 and nearly 8. Yes, they are in harnesses. Graco Nautiluses, actually. They have not grown out of the height and weight requirements just yet, and I am considering buying seats with higher requirements when our tax return comes just so they will remain harnessed longer.

Now, what are the comments that I usually hear about this?

1. But those are baby seats!
2. You're going to embarrass them.
3. They're too big for that kind of thing.

It is MUCH safer for children to be in 5 point harnesses. Hell, it's safer for ANYONE to be in a 5 point harness. Why do you think race car drivers have them?

My children are not embarrassed. We have talked many, many times about how their seats are safer and that if we get into an accident, they will help keep them uninjured. They understand this and they are perfectly fine using them. Their friends only made comments once, and my children explained why they have the seats they have. Friends looked confused...I know at least one of them doesn't even use a booster seat (or a seat belt) in his dad's truck. The lack of education on this is scary.

I hear excuses all the time. All the time. But let's look at it this way, shall we? You could be the best, most safest driver in the world...you could have the cleanest driving record ever. But that doesn't mean that some random person who isn't paying attention can't plow into the back of your car. Or, what if you were in traffic. Dead stop traffic on the highway and you happen to be the last car in "line" and it happens to be right after a bend in the road. Let's say a truck driver, doing a good 65mph is coming around that bend and is distracted by something for a moment and doesn't see the stopped cars. You're a sitting duck. THEN is when you want your kids in the safest seats they can be in. Ejection is one of the lead causes of child death in motor vehicle accidents. Booster seats are notorious for this. Especially in smaller children.

So, before you decided to turn little Johnny or Molly on their first birthday...why don't you take a moment to learn about what exactly you're doing? It can't hurt.

http://www.kyledavidmiller.org/ - A good example of why booster seats aren't they best option for kids who can still be harnessed.

http://www.parenting.com/blogs/show-and-tell/kate-parentingcom/rear-facing-car-seat-safety - One boy's journey with internal decapitation.

http://www.nhtsa.gov/Safety/CPS - Is your child in the right seat?