(Article) Circumcision: Social, Sexual, Psychological Realities (From Psychology Today)

"Myth:  Circumcision is an important tradition that has been going on forever."


"Reality check:  In the United States, circumcision wasn't popularized until Victorian times, when a few doctors began to recommend it to prevent children from masturbating.  Dr. Kellogg (of Corn Flakes fame) advocated circumcision for pubescent boys and girls to stop masturbation:  "A remedy which is almost always successful in small boys is circumcision, especially when there is any degree of phimosis. The operation should be performed by a surgeon without administering an anæsthetic, as the brief pain attending the operation will have a salutary effect upon the mind, especially if it be connected with the idea of punishment... In females, the author has found the application of pure carbolic acid to the clitoris an excellent means of allaying the abnormal excitement" (Kellogg 1877).  Circumcision caught on among the sex-negative Victorians, but only wealthy parents could afford it.  In 1932, only 31% of men were circumcised; this peaked around 85% in 1980, and has been dropping ever since (Laumann 1997, Wallerstein 1980).  Far from an ancient tradition, it was only popular in post-war America; think of it as "your parent's body mod.""

To read the whole article...and I would HIGHLY recommend it...Click Here.

FANTASTIC article - "The Second Nine Months: Exterogestation and the need to be held"

Click to Read

HIGHLY recommended and PLEASE share. Very in depth and research based. Love!!

An excerpt:

"Gestation Outside of the Womb- “Exterior Gestation”
 
Simple observation of a newborn clarifies her helpless nature. She needs warmth and nourishment. She cannot move herself away from danger and cannot use words to communicate her needs. She is challenged to use her nervous system to figure out space and her relationship to it, to breathe by herself, to circulate oxygen and nutrients to her entire body; to eat, digest, and eliminate. It is clear that the newborn goes through a transformation that does not occur instantly but gradually lasting most of the first year of her life. During this time the infant must be carried everywhere. She has a long way to go before she can even somewhat manage for herself.
In his book Touching, The Human Significance of the Skin, Dr Ashley Montagu talks of the importance of the mother-baby relationship after the baby has already been born.  He describes the relationship between the two as “naturally designed to become even more intensive and interoperative after birth” than while the baby was gestating or growing in the womb (Montagu, 1988, 75).
“Birth no more constitutes the beginning of the life of the individual than it does the end of gestation. Birth represents a complex and highly important series of functional changes which serve to prepare the newborn for the passage across the bridge between gestation within the womb and gestation continued out of the womb.” (Montagu, 1986, 57)
Human babies are born early out of necessity.  Nurturing the baby in a manner that represents the intimacy of pregnancy as closely as possible until this “exterior gestation” is complete offers the baby the optimal environment for his immature systems. This means the baby should be in constant proximity to her mother, either in her mother’s arms or worn on her mother’s body with a piece of cloth or other baby carrier."

My case for being an attached parent

I did not start out as an attached parent. As far as mothers ago, I was damn detached for quite a while. Along with being raised in a mainstream environment (and not knowing any different), I had the added "fun" of having severe PPD.

I had Christopher in August of 2003, I was 18. I hadn't even babysat a newborn at that point. I wanted to breastfeed, but gave up quickly...under the impression that it just wasn't that big of a deal. I didn't cosleep because, honestly, all I'd ever heard about kids who slept in their parents' beds was "THEY'LL NEVER LEAVE!"

Christopher was an "easy" baby. He didn't cry much. He slept through the night at a month old. He was generally happy to be on his own. Thanks to my PPD, my interactions with him for the first seven months of his life were strained at best. I would basically stare at this child, feeling like a babysitter waiting for his real mother to come get him. I didn't know how to speak to him, I didn't know how to entertain him.

I held him, I fed him...but I didn't connect with him. I watched a lot of TV that first 7 months. I really didn't leave the house unless it was to go to my inlaws on weekends. Things are kind of fuzzy, my memories aren't real clear from when he was a baby. I was lost in my own mind. I mourn his babyhood, because I feel like I missed so much of it.

We did CIO. We started rice cereal at 3 months. Started baby food at 4 months. He was forward facing in a car seat by 11 months. I wore him a couple times in a Bjorn and a sling, but it wasn't a regular thing.

Basically everything I don't do now. This amuses me sometimes...looking at how different things are now. It also makes me look at the difference in the bond I have with him and the one I have with Michael. And even Jacob. Although I still made some "mistakes" with Jacob, I had a firmer bond with him because I DID feel attached to him almost immediately. I was dreading another repeat of PPD with his birth, but it never returned.

Christopher and I have struggled with our relationship...a lot. He and I were constantly at odds for years. To the point where I would purposely avoid my own child because the fighting...never...stopped. I do blame this on previously being a detached parent and not knowing how to deal with him. It felt like my own kid was a stranger.  I lashed out with anger in response to his behavior instead of stopping and thinking WHY it was happening. I wish I had had these epiphanies sooner. His younger years would have been much more enjoyable.

Now, let's talk about Michael. He was born at home...immediately put into my arms to nurse and wasn't taken from me at all, except by his father because, well, he wanted to hold his son. But nobody was there telling me that I should send him to the nursery. Nobody took him to get him circumcised. Nobody was there telling me that I couldn't let him sleep on my chest because "the bassinet was better". I was free to nurse and bond with my baby with no one but my husband and children around. It was wonderful. I had never felt so much love right after a birth before...it always took me a couple days to "come around".

I attended his every need. I nursed on demand (And yes, that means my butt was glued to the couch for 80% of the day for those first few months). I wore him and sniffed him. I slept with him next to me or on me. He was always with me. Physical contact with him comes as naturally as breathing. He never has (and never wil) CIO. We nurse to sleep for every nap and every bedtime. I wear him at home and everywhere we go.

Physical contact with Christopher was awkward for both of us for a long time. It's like we didn't know if it was okay to touch each other. He didn't hug me. And I felt weird trying to hug him. Mostly because he would usually run away. I have made great strides in this over the past couple years. I made the effort to "normalize" touching between us and now it's much better. He hugs me randomly throughout the day...we don't fight nearly as much (he's 9, it's going to happen). He tells me he loves me. It's a world of difference.

Although I didn't breastfeed Jacob either, physical affection comes naturally with him also because I held him and bonded with him much more than I did with Christopher.

Detached parenting may look attractive to some...it provides more freedom. Leaving the baby at home is easier...more free time at night...sleeping through the night...stuff like that. But, when it comes to how it FEELS...I will take being an attached parent over the alternative any day of the week. If I could do it all over again, I would do it this way....every time.

I realize that not everyone feels the way I do. But this is for those who feel like they HAVE to listen to the pediatrician telling you to start rice cereal at 3 months. Whose friends are telling them that they need to get that baby out of their bed NOW.  Whose mom is telling them that they need to put the baby down or they're going to spoil him/her.

You CAN follow your instincts. It's okay. Really. It's OKAY to follow your heart where your baby is concerned.

It's okay.

Proper carseat buckling

I've come to realize that, on average, people know diddly squat about properly securing a car seat. At least, I HOPE it's a lack of knowledge and not the alternative..."Eh, takes too long."

9 years ago...I didn't have a clue. I was the worse car seat buckler IN THE WORLD. Not kidding. I can't tell you how many times I only clipped the chest clip and left the rest hanging.

Seriously.

I'm honestly not sure WHY that seemed like an okay thing to do in my head. I've wracked my brain, but I can't answer that. I might have been an 18 year old idiot. My kids' straps were NEVER tightened enough and I had them both FF by 11 months.

But then...nobody told me that I was doing it wrong. Nobody said "Hey, you should probably fasten that a little bit tighter...because your kid could die in an accident."

I was probably still under that generic teen impression that I was immortal. You know we all do it. That "it will never happen to me" mindset. But like I said in my previous post, you may be the bestest driver EVAR...but you can't control what the guy next to you do is doing.

It is a miracle...a MIRACLE...that I never got into an accident worse than backing up into an ATM machine (true story). Or the mailbox fatality...but that happened before I had kids. I'm very thankful that I got this far without a bad accident and I feel much more prepared now that my kids are in appropriate seats.

So, onto the buckling!

 

Right, so you can see above the 2 different photos.  One of these days, I'll make one with my own kid...I swear.

On the left, this is what I see the most. Loose straps, chest clip down to the belly. This isn't going to do anything good for your child in a collision.  The chest clip (aptly named the CHEST clip) needs to be at their sternum (armpits). This is because the sternum is very, very strong and won't break easily. As opposed to the ribs that will break VERY easily if the chest clip is where it's at on the picture on the left.

Second, the straps on the left are much too loose. I know, you don't want to make your child uncomfortable...but tight straps aren't going to hurt them. They shouldn't be killing the poor kid, but you shouldn't be able to pinch the fabric between your fingers at their shoulders, either. 

So, chest clip UP and straps TIGHT. Seems pretty easy. I am not a car seat expert or tech, by any means, nor do I claim to be one...this is just a friendly reminder that there IS a correct way to buckle your kiddo in. Oh and in infant seats (aka bucket seats), make sure the handle is back. Like the image says, it's designed to hit the seat back and create a protective shell.

Drive safely!